Boundaries are my favorite coaching topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My first therapist introduced me to the concept twenty years ago, and it changed my life. I\u2019m always eager to give the same gift to my clients. One client in particular was having multiple panic attacks a day, feeling like her role in life was to be of service to everyone around her. Once we unpacked what boundaries actually were (and how she needed more give-and-take with the people in her life), she made a few radical but simple changes \u2014 and the panic attacks stopped almost overnight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Considering the boundaries that are and aren\u2019t present in your life can be a path out of codependence, out of conflict avoidance, out of passive aggression, and, just as importantly, a path into trust. Boundaries are like a magic key.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the fastest ways leaders burn out isn\u2019t because of their own responsibilities \u2014 it\u2019s because they\u2019re taking on the responsibilities of others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
They take on other people\u2019s expectations and emotions. They smooth out every wrinkle. They say yes to things that don\u2019t fit their role because saying no feels selfish or unhelpful. And when the resentment starts to creep in, they think, Something\u2019s wrong with me. I should be more patient, more adaptable, more generous.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n But often, nothing\u2019s wrong with them. What\u2019s wrong is the boundary \u2014 or the lack thereof.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A boundary isn\u2019t a punishment; it\u2019s a shared understanding. It\u2019s the space where you say, \u201cHere\u2019s what I can own, and here\u2019s what I can\u2019t.\u201d Without that clarity, teams stumble into each other\u2019s lanes. You get leaders who over-function and team members who under-function, and everyone quietly frustrated about the imbalance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Most boundary issues aren\u2019t visible. They show up as tension in a meeting, irritation with a colleague, that vague sense of being taken advantage of. But anger and resentment are usually just smoke \u2014 the fire is a boundary that was never named.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you haven\u2019t said it out loud, it\u2019s not a boundary. It\u2019s just a hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The fix isn\u2019t to become rigid or defensive; it\u2019s to get clear. \u201cHere\u2019s what I expect. Here\u2019s what I\u2019m responsible for. Here\u2019s what I need from you.\u201d That\u2019s not confrontation \u2014 that\u2019s leadership.<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you\u2019re feeling that quiet resentment or tension, it might be time to ask: what boundary am I not naming?<\/p>\n\n\n\n