There’s a book making the rounds right now, Let Them by Mel Robbins, and I love that it’s getting leaders to think about letting go of control. But it’s also just one piece of a much bigger puzzle: the work of empowering others.
As leaders, we often take on too much responsibility for other people’s feelings, choices, and outcomes. We think if someone’s struggling, we should fix it. If they’re about to make a mistake, we should stop them. This shows up as micromanaging, hovering over our teams, or feeling like we can’t relax until everyone else is okay. It’s exhausting, and ironically, it doesn’t actually help anyone grow.
Lately, my own mantra has been: “That’s none of my business.”
As a recovering control freak, I understand the impulse to offer advice, to correct, to quietly manage everyone else’s outcomes. It’s not that I don’t care; it’s that I care too much, and caring can turn into controlling before I even notice. But here’s the truth I keep coming back to: other people need to make their own choices. They need to live with the consequences, learn from them, and grow in their own time.
Our lives are our choices. Trying to take a choice away from someone, even with the best intentions, is a kind of violation. It says, “I don’t trust you to live your own life.”
So now, when I feel that old urge to manage, I remind myself: “That’s none of my business.”
It doesn’t mean I stop caring. It means I respect that person’s autonomy enough to let them live their story. And honestly, it’s such a relief. You don’t have to judge yourself for being judgmental, or fix your controlling impulses before you’re allowed to rest. You can just notice them, breathe, and let go. Letting people be who they are, and trusting yourself to do the same, isn’t disengagement—it’s empowerment. It’s what allows others to step into their own growth while freeing you to lead with trust, focus, and calm.
Photo by Jeremy Yap on Unsplash