In the last post, I introduced the Drama Triangle as a function of lost agency. It’s not bad behavior or emotional immaturity, it’s just responsibility being held by the wrong person.
What makes the Drama Triangle tricky is that none of the roles feel wrong when you’re in them. They often feel necessary, even virtuous, especially for leaders. Each role offers short-term relief, but quietly undermines trust, ownership, and empowerment over time.
Let’s look at how leaders get pulled into each role, and what it looks like to step back into agency.
The Rescuer: “If I Don’t Step In, This Will Fall Apart”
This is the role I see most often with capable, conscientious leaders.
You notice something slipping—a deadline, a quality issue, a team member who seems stuck. Instead of addressing it directly, you step in and fix it. You clarify the work, smooth the conversation, or take on the extra task. Rescuing feels generous and responsible. It often gets praised.
But over time, it has a cost. Rescuing trains other people to give their agency to you. The team learns, quietly, that you’ll catch the ball if they drop it. And you end up exhausted, resentful, and wondering why leadership feels so heavy.
Stepping out of the Rescuer role doesn’t mean becoming hands-off or uncaring. It means asking a different question: Whose responsibility should this be?
Sometimes empowerment looks like letting someone struggle a bit, letting a consequence land, or resisting the urge to solve a problem that isn’t actually yours to solve. This is how you grow your team members: by letting them try.
The Persecutor: “Someone Needs to Be Held Accountable”
Leaders often slide into this role when standards matter deeply to them.
Something isn’t being done well. A commitment wasn’t met. A value feels violated. It starts to feel like your job to enforce what a good job should look like.
The Persecutor role usually comes from caring about quality or integrity, but when leaders take responsibility for punishing choices that others never agreed to, trust erodes quickly. Accountability without consent becomes compliance. People do just enough to stay out of trouble, conversations get guarded, and feedback becomes defensive.
Stepping out of this role starts with a clarifying move: Did this person actually agree to this expectation?
If not, the work isn’t enforcement, it’s alignment. You need clear expectations, explicit agreements, and shared ownership of outcomes.
The Victim: “There’s Nothing I Can Do Here”
This role is quieter, but just as common.
Leaders slip into it when they feel trapped by culture, politics, or decisions above them. It happens when everything feels constrained and every option feels risky. The Victim role gives away agency. It says, “This is happening to me.” And while that can feel protective, it also removes choice.
Stepping out of this role doesn’t mean pretending you have unlimited power. It means naming the choices you do have, even when they’re uncomfortable. Staying is a choice. Leaving is a choice. Speaking up is a choice. Staying silent is a choice.
Agency doesn’t make things easy, but it makes things clear and honest.
Why This Matters for Empowerment
Empowerment isn’t a mindset or a motivational speech. It’s about deciding where responsibility actually lives.
Every time a leader rescues, persecutes, or collapses into helplessness, agency gets distorted. And when agency is distorted, growth becomes harder than it needs to be.
Stepping out of drama means consistently returning responsibility to its rightful owner. It means trusting people to handle their choices and consequences, and trusting yourself to tolerate the discomfort that comes with not controlling everything.
This week, pay attention to which role you get pulled into most often. We all fall into drama sometimes. The work is learning to notice it sooner and choose differently.
Photo by Daniil Silantev on Unsplash